New Year's Green Resolution

It is freezing outside.  Second day back in Ireland, first day back at work and it's really cold.  Had to go up to Derry this morning to drop off scripts for the second-year students working on two plays with me next week and it was cold, grey and miserable.  Both ways.

We were going to go to Thailand in 3 weeks time.  Not just for the warmth and sun, but because I spent part of my childhood there and wanted Anthony to see it, get to know old family friends, eat beautiful tropical fruit and dabble his toes in the warm water.  I miss swimming and the thought of being in a warm ocean swimming every day seemed enough to make all the winter darkness bearable.  But then I read HEAT by George Monbiot over the Christmas break, especially his chapter on "love miles" about the way we fly to reaffirm our connection with the people and places we love, and how WE HAVE TO GIVE IT UP.  Even if we recycle and lower our heating and insulate our lofts and get worms in and buy organic and pay for light bulbs to help the third world... WE HAVE TO STOP FLYING.  Altogether? Or just not so much?

And I remembered Jared Diamond's fantastic book COLLAPSE in which he looks at why societies that have wiped themselves out in the past couldn't stop the things that were so obviously hurting them.  Diamond says that they chose not to, because those activities defined who they were.  And yes, I guess loving places all over the world and having friends who live there that I want to visit defines who I am. Born in India, growing up in Thailand, Canada, Switzerland and Indonesia.

So.  We're not going to Thailand.  We're going to go by public transport - mostly rail - around Italy.  In February.  And yes it will be cold - but hey - I'll be with Anthony, and it's almost a dead cert it will be fun and unhurried and satisfying and then I will have taken the first steps to wean myself off the old habits.  But ARGHH! After 15 years in the Theatre I'm finally making a bit of money to pay for travel and I'll just pause if I may for five minutes to say that selfishly, guiltily, RIGHT NOW, I wish I didn't have to change?